Happy Birthday Michelle

I wanted to do a tribute to my little sister Michelle and tell her Happy 22nd Birthday!
It's hard to believe it's been almost 18 years since she left us.

I'm not sure I can adequately put into words what I've been feeling in my heart lately, but I know that Michelle and my Heavenly Father are very aware! I've really been struggling lately and it's caught me off-guard. The real hard times for me have been very infrequent as time has passed. Of course I still think about her and miss her, and still cry at times...but I've REALLY been missing her lately. My whole family has been struggling more this year than other years. And I can't help but feel that it's because she's been around lately and that she's pulling for all of us to have our lives in order so that we can be together again as a Forever Family!

I feel in some ways that I'm experiencing some of the stages of grief all over again. I feel somewhat angry. Angry because it doesn't hurt like I think it should all the time. Angry because I can't even imagine what our lives would be like with her now. Angry because we missed out on so much and it isn't fair. My memories of her are growing more dim over time and that hurts. I want to remember every last little thing about her and I don't. However, I am extremely grateful for the memories, pictures and videos that we do have to remind us of her. They are invaluable and I'm also grateful to be able to share them with my children so they can know of their Aunt Michelle.

On the Memorial Day before Michelle died, she told my Mom that she always wanted flags kept on her grave. Coincidence? Definitely not. There were many things that lead up to her death that have been of comfort to us to know that her death was part of Heavenly Father's Plan.

This is my most favorite picture of her!

Kambri reminds me so much of Michelle, most especially their eyes! I look forward to seeing Kambri grow and imagining that that's what Michelle may have looked like at that age.
My little Hollie Michelle received her middle name in memory of her Aunt Michelle. I had always hoped that she would have some sort of resemblance of Michelle, but she really hasn't. Our little Kami sure does though.

This was Michelle's last birthday before she died.

I didn't intend for this post to be a sad one or as jumbled as it came out, but this is how I've been feeling lately and sometimes we need to just let things out. I am grateful for the knowledge that we can be an eternal family. This 'bump' came at a time that I needed to be reminded what is most important and to keep me pointed in the right direction.

Michelle, I love you so very much! Be sure and save a place for me in heaven right next to you...because I WILL be with you again!